Isaac explains that feeling the freedom to talk frankly about feelings of uncertainty without fear of repercussion would help make springing back a little easier.
Kevin agrees, explaining that he thinks most mature adults understand that doubts are normal and not necessarily the end of a romantic relationship.
When allowed to pull back, men will naturally return to whatever level of intimacy was there when he stretched away.
This is an interesting theory and less discouraging than thinking your guy just doesn’t want to be close.
In genuine intimate relationships, the partnership genre, differences are appreciated and cherished with partners who are flexible, collaborative, accepting, honest (sans the games playing and the control), compassionate, supportive, fair, equal, reliable, loving. Easier said than done (as Gottman points out based on his research).
Partners recognize that they have different temperaments, strengths, vulnerabilities, and emotional histories, which can create issues, but still. He says that you still should try to connect (on simple topics) and not to take offense if we're shut down.
Gray uses the metaphor of a rubber band to explain a man’s threshold of emotional intimacy.
But such advice would certainly explain the sad guy’s lament that: “Nice guys finish last.” Or, in this new poetic mode: “Nice begets ice.” But then how do we explain the “bad boy” syndrome, so familiar to Hollywoodfans? Remember: Too much pulling on an elastic band will eventually break it. Or, more prosaically, what have your relationships been like? After significant trouble due to distancing and not sharing true feelings (both sides) in my marriage, we're now separated and I'm seeking "answers".
Or charming, fun, dazzling, wild, solvent and obvious in their desire to bed you, but not to wed you? Love is the bedrock of relationships, presumably – and don’t you love the rocking bed image? So, do you think that there is any truth in the theory that relationships are all, or mostly, like elastic bands? At varying points in my marriage (and particularly now while separated and trying to navigate back together) its been a roller coaster of emotion where we're just along for the ride, a rubber band when one of use pulls back, walking on eggshells not know what the right answer is, a fog of misunderstanding or euphoria, and unfortunately also a battlefield of emotions/control.
Testing emotional boundaries often has a lot to do with concern that perhaps you feel more strongly than he does.
Isaac admits, “If you realize she is significantly more into it than you are, or you realize things are getting serious and you aren’t sure you want to get serious, it can all be a little much, and you just need some alone time.” It’s not that this feeling of imbalance necessarily means your guy wants to end things though.